On Letting Go

being able to love someone deeply is a wonderful thing. i thought i have been hurt way too many times yet there is still a light in the deep dark tunnel of my heart that allows me to feel the warmth of loving. i thought at this age i would be able to face heartbreak easier. i thought after all these times i would have known better. but i didn't. it hurts yes but it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life that allow me to experience things that i thought i would never feel again. 

it was fun. frivolous. insane. unrealistic. emotional. irreconcilable. a dead end. 

wishing each other the best of luck for our new path. goodbye.

Debris

it happens. again.

maybe i am cursed. maybe i am not destined for a 'happily ever after'. even when the planet is in chaos, even if plague is our nightmare, my last bits of happiness is still taken away from me.

here comes the feelings i thought i've forgotten. sadness. grief. abandoned. probably regret. if i am strong then tell me why i went into catatonic state till 4am shaking and crying on my bed. unable to move. words unspoken. throat is wounded and hurting.

i should have seen this coming. we did actually. but when the ticking bomb finally stops, we know we aren't going anywhere. it's an endgame because we live in a place that doesn't value our story. the thoughts are so dark i almost cant see them but they linger in my head like a broken spotify playlist that won't stop playing.

i am crushed and torn into debris.

lovestruck

have you ever missed someone so much that his shadows cloud your vision everywhere you look and his scent lingers everytime you breathe? it is difficult to think straight when i am drowning in a mind game where i cannot stop fantasizing myself with you. i wish you are here in my arms as we both pull ourselves under the blanket completely ignoring the world outside that is falling apart because honestly who cares about anything else when love blinds your conscience. it sounds selfish but i guess it is true that love makes people do stupid things including being unable to function properly anymore and you walk around like a stray cat who is craving for constant touch and affection. you are the only one i see and it hurts my stomach when we are not physically together every second of the day. i cant believe people actually do long distance relationship how painful it is to be apart for a long time like i would have cried and bawled my heart out. im such a crybaby.