On Letting Go

being able to love someone deeply is a wonderful thing. i thought i have been hurt way too many times yet there is still a light in the deep dark tunnel of my heart that allows me to feel the warmth of loving. i thought at this age i would be able to face heartbreak easier. i thought after all these times i would have known better. but i didn't. it hurts yes but it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life that allow me to experience things that i thought i would never feel again. 

it was fun. frivolous. insane. unrealistic. emotional. irreconcilable. a dead end. 

wishing each other the best of luck for our new path. goodbye.

Debris

it happens. again.

maybe i am cursed. maybe i am not destined for a 'happily ever after'. even when the planet is in chaos, even if plague is our nightmare, my last bits of happiness is still taken away from me.

here comes the feelings i thought i've forgotten. sadness. grief. abandoned. probably regret. if i am strong then tell me why i went into catatonic state till 4am shaking and crying on my bed. unable to move. words unspoken. throat is wounded and hurting.

i should have seen this coming. we did actually. but when the ticking bomb finally stops, we know we aren't going anywhere. it's an endgame because we live in a place that doesn't value our story. the thoughts are so dark i almost cant see them but they linger in my head like a broken spotify playlist that won't stop playing.

i am crushed and torn into debris.

lovestruck

have you ever missed someone so much that his shadows cloud your vision everywhere you look and his scent lingers everytime you breathe? it is difficult to think straight when i am drowning in a mind game where i cannot stop fantasizing myself with you. i wish you are here in my arms as we both pull ourselves under the blanket completely ignoring the world outside that is falling apart because honestly who cares about anything else when love blinds your conscience. it sounds selfish but i guess it is true that love makes people do stupid things including being unable to function properly anymore and you walk around like a stray cat who is craving for constant touch and affection. you are the only one i see and it hurts my stomach when we are not physically together every second of the day. i cant believe people actually do long distance relationship how painful it is to be apart for a long time like i would have cried and bawled my heart out. im such a crybaby.

Us (2019)

After the breakthrough debut that is Get Out, Jordan Peele is back with another horror in store, Us (2019). This suspenseful sophomore effort clearly attempts to be way bigger in every aspects, as in larger scope of environment, weightier concept, and of course, bloodier violence.

Since the story revolves around people facing their own doubles, it's mainly interesting to see the cast perform in multifaceted fashion. The casting is fantastic but the real scene stealer here is Lupita who delivers a career-defining performance. She's brilliant as both an anxious and sympathetic mother, but also intimidating as a vengeful and cold blooded hunter.

As expected, Us is filled with twists and turns, and the vehicle to get to the final reveal is multilayers of suspense in the vein of classic horror cliches. Jordan Peele definitely knows how to craft intensity like the back of his hand, and this time he's going with full force. Endless chase down the road, hide and seek, furious home invasion a la Funny Games (1997), down to sinister atmosphere in broad daylight, everything is thoughtfully done. This movie blends horror and humour like no other, and if anything it emphasizes the unique tone that Peele innovates with.

Although not nearly as obvious with the social commentary as Get Out was, Us still runs with a socio-political satire deep in its blood. It touches upon the topic of classism, and how the government treats society as a pawn for their agenda instead of human beings (the scene where Zora talks about the government putting substances in water to control us is a nice opening to this nod). Until it takes a revolution from the lower class to overthrow the upper class. Interestingly, each person could have their interpretation of the message this film is trying to convey. 

To wrap it up, Us deserves another bump to the top thanks to the frightening and atmospheric scores by Michael Abels. Especially the way it manages to place popular songs in particular scenes made this movie utterly unforgettable.

thank you for conveying what ive been wanting to hear in a break up song for so long. your strength to overcome heartache and vulnerability is the kind of portrayal i needed to help mend the pain that has been clouding me for the past couple years. through this song you once again remind me that to be strong is to acknowledge your insecurities, sadness, and fear, then embrace them as a part of yourself for as long as you live.⁣

thank you for telling me the things i keep on forgetting-- to live with grace despite carrying an anchor that constantly drowns you by the foot. to always be a little less hard around the edges. to listen more to your heart for it knows you better than anyone else. i might not be the best person to radiate positivity but at least i'll try, starting from myself. because at the end of the day the only available path is to move forward. and therefore we will be okay. hopefully.

2001: space odyssey

this year marks the 50th anniversary of 2001: space odyssey since it was conceived so i just feel like its a perfect time for a revisit! for me this is not only a film, but instead a transcendent cinematic experience that graced us with one of the most grandeur and visionary artforms in history. kubrick explored a theme thats way ahead of its time and conjured it in an insanely sophisticated visualization, resulting to a blitz of candy for the eyes.

it contains minimal narrative (there's literally no proper dialogue for the first 20 minutes) and the expositions are juxtaposed with epic space scenes and goosebumps inducing music such as johann strauss' classic blue danube and gyorgi ligeti's haunting lux aeterna. with kubrick's masterful skills, the whole combination transforms into a visual poetry that gradually draws us into its surrealist world and eventually leaves us breathless. the defying gravity scene via centripetal motion, the innovative model for spaceship designs, the highly detailed interiors and exteriors; they present a futuristic vision but also look realistic at the same time.

through this masterpiece kubrick invites us to reanalyze the basic nature of human instinct, evolution, and the thought that we are never alone in this universe. that there are endless possibilities out there that we have yet to discover, that theres no limit for our intelligence to advance, and that in the end its not about the destination but the journey, hence odyssey! undoubtedly a film that will be discussed for many generations to come.

"it gets better," they said.

"bad things dont last forever," they said.

what they dont say is things dont get better actually we just grew tolerance and thicker skin to overcome pain a bit better because life is literally a game where we gotta be stronger to beat difficult stages except game rewards us with happy ending while in reality happiness is temporary no one ever ever equipped us with proper strategy guide and we are thrown into this simulation that keeps on glitching and breaking and reality does not matter because nothing feels real anymore as the constant blow hits us over and over again numbing our senses and the ability to function. i hate the phrase 'everything happens for a reason' because it sounds more like a lazy excuse to justify terrible things but i guess sometimes all we can cling to is hope and thats not even a safe option because hope is a double edged sword that either motivates or blinds us. people are proud for cheating death but honestly cheating life sounds more appealing to me.

Hereditary (2018)

ive heard about this film long before it was announced. at that time the buzzes revolved around 'scariest movie ever!', 'scariest horror since the exorcist', etc. bombastic right? to be honest, initially i was quite skeptical because the pompous claims usually didnt meet my expectation, plus western horrors have been going through a rather monotonous route lately. so when hereditary finally hit local theaters, i didnt waste any time and immediately went to prove it myself.

and boy i was... blown.

this is what it feels like to ride a slow roller coaster in hell.

hereditary is a study of build up and tension. it lingers in your mind and touches your psyche with complete terror, hopelessness, and sorrow. ari aster masterfully directed it with clever play of shadow and lighting that induced your peripheral fear of something that might or might not exist; imagine staring into a dark hallway for a long time that you start questioning whether you're seeing things or its just in your mind. its batshit eerie and dreadful. the scenes are adorned with sublime sound design that the minimum usage of loud music only maximizes the suspense.

the film's tonality is basically built on the mixture of horror and family dynamics, with several conflicts highlighting fundamental matters from relationships to mental health issues. toni colette's tour de force as a grievous matriarch is phenomenal and she does so well at capturing the intensity of the atmosphere. that dinner scene? my soul was gone. also milly saphiro's quiet, haunting expression successfully made me feel uncomfortable in my seat throughout her appearance on screen. what an incredible cast.

one of the most prominent things is many scenes are slowly shot from the distance, living up the illusion that the whole family members are 'pawns' inside a house miniature as seen in the opening. while i usually have problems with pacing, hereditary is like a slow burn that keeps me petrified despite how drawn out it gets in the middle. it eventually pays off with an ending twist so mad that despite unnecessary amount of foreshadowing in the first act it still catches me off guard. for me its in the vines of rosemary's baby, starting from the constant anxiety to the major cult reveal.

i get that hereditary might not fall into the mainstream category that pleases everyone with straightforward expositions and jumpscares. its horror at its most visceral, and its certainly not for those who werent ready.

Alucarda (1977)

the 70s is such a good era for satanic movies. other than popular titles such as the exorcist (1973) and the omen (1976), there are also ones that were buried beneath a hidden treasure box. one of them would be alucarda (1977), a mexican horror film that tells the tale of a pair of girls who lived in a convent that also functions as an orphanage. one day during a short trip to the forest they discovered a cryptic and ancient looking site, and things just went batshit afterwards. apparently the girls had been possessed by demonic forces that attempted to take control over them, leading to immense amount of hysteria and nightmarish events that follow.

no words could explain the madness of alucarda and how every bit of the film's insanity cemented it as a classic, undiscovered gem. it keeps you glued to the screen, as if it has the power to hypnotize through its endless screams, riot, and satanic worships. theres actually not much story here, but the thematic emphasis is spot on. its heavy on religious overtone but it also touches upon coming of age issue, which is portrayed through alucarda's complex desire for love and rebellion.

for a low budget film alucarda got a solid commitment to ensure it doesnt come off as cheap or weak. i really like the overall visual concept that flaunts organic yet detailed sets, such as cave-like convent and stone walls that spark absolute eerieness, down to the nuns who are draped in red-stained robes that resemble blood splatters. the cryptic leitmotif is further elevated with smokey effects like fog and haze, effectively taking surrealism to a higher plateau. at one point the theatrical nature simply crosses the border between art and fever dream.

director juan lópez moctezuma ends the gothic suspense with alucarda unleashing hell upon everyone in such brutal, unapologetic manner thats a good reminiscence of stephen king's carrie. by the time the spectacle is over it feels like i just went through an extreme, unholy ritual marked by copious amount of blood, crucifixion, nudes, gore, and combusting nuns. highly disturbing, but thats exactly what this film aims for, and it indeed succeeded.

Sebelum Iblis Menjemput (2018)

sebelum iblis menjemput blends never ending terrors, flashy jumpscares, deeply rooted mystical sense with full throttle execution that made the audience physically and mentally compromised. just like his previous works (most notably rumah dara), timo doesnt hesitate to go all out with his delivery. this film continuously carries an atmosphere of dread starting from the first minute mark and the diabolical force refuses to fade even until the credits roll. the intensity goes hand-in-hand with tight build ups and a number of jumpscares that blatantly portrayed demonic faces as big as the theater screen. yes, they snatch your sight before you are ready and there is no way you can look away.

interestingly, it is also heavy on gore which is quite of a fresh take since most local horrors tend to rely solely on supernatural theme. this one is disturbingly blood gushing, very much in the vein of raimi's evil dead down to the almost comedic impression. i'd say interesting because its been a while since i saw well crafted gory element in local films that is not corny. it may be difficult to stomach for some, but it does add a unique touch to the whole tone.

music is such an important component in horror movies and i gotta say the scoring department especially did a terrific job this time. every sound effect adheres to the theme, message, and mood present in the scene closely. sometimes the ear-piercing loudness gets over the top it feels like you are being choked on the spot, very visceral and full of madness.

the reason why i gave this film 3.5 out of 5 is because despite the technical excellence, there are considerable shortcomings that are hard to ignore. the most prominent would be the stiff and inconsistent dialogues that kinda ruin some profound moments between the characters which end up making us emotionally detached from them. another one would be the lack of cathartic experience toward the third act where the tension becomes anticlimactic like a roller coaster that already slows down when we are still anticipating for a steep plunge from the skyscraper. instead of a long-awaited explosive momentum it just pales in comparison with the previous acts.

all in all, sebelum iblis menjemput is still an incredibly fun entertainment for horror aficionados and thrill-seekers. thumbs up for timo and the crew for blessing local cinema with yet another quality gem in the genre!

Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3

before you come at me and say "dude, you're like over a decade late," yes, i know. in fact, as a late bandwagon jumper as always, i feel like knocking my head off for discovering this phenomenal game just now. nevertheless, i think its safe to say that this game has successfully stood the test of time and will always be one of the top picks for jrpg aficionados.

persona 3 was originally published in 2006 as a subseries of the megami tensei franchise. we take a role as a transfer student named makoto (well its actually an assigned name since the players can always rename the character) who enters gekkoukan high school. most of the gameplay showcases light environments that revolve around sunny ambience, fun classrooms, and lively characters. but behind the peaceful life of these students something dark awaits, and yes i mean it in literal sense. its a period of time called 'the dark hour', a reality bending moment between a day and the next where people would turn into coffins and grim creatures would come out to devour their souls. in order to fight this powerful yet malicious force, we're tasked to manage a special group of students called SEES (specialized extracurricular execution squad). each member of SEES has an ability to summon a 'persona', or an elemental manifestation of their own conscience. interestingly, the way to summon their personas is by shooting themselves in the head with an evoker.

now why the hell would i call a rather graphic gesture 'interesting'? because its basically a symbol of the game's narrative. yes, persona 3's theme heavily deals with death and depression. it's portrayed not only through the persona summoning, but also via the backstories of the characters. throughout the journey, makoto would get to socialize with many types of people, from a debilitated person who awaits his impending death by writing a story book, a famous student athlete whot deals with difficult family problems, a SEES member who is grieving over the loss of her parent, and many more. its interesting because beneath the adorable character designs they still show humane sides that we could relate to. that everyone, no matter how happy they appear on the outside, is carrying a great secret or burden behind the facades. the nuance is also supported by dialogues that often hit too close to home for how personal they are.

another thing that i find interesting is the mechanism of leveling up arcana by improving social links. each arcana comes in different classes of tarot class. it does require heavy grinding to max out every stat and social link, but its worth it considering the story pays off very well in the end. persona 3 is more than a story of youthful characters that embark on a quest to save the world. it captures how people deal with their own demons and eventually grow out of it to be a better person. its a visceral experience embodied in strong storytelling that would touch many hearts out there. cant recommend it enough.

Her (2013)

"the past is just a story we keep telling ourselves"

her touches my heart ever so gently, and suddenly i feel like a kid again who learns how to love, how to cope with losing, and how to bear with loneliness for the first time. her touch is as soft as the hazy and warm color palette in the film, but sometimes it can be as cold as the night sky on top of glowing city lights that theodore would stare longingly into.

just like the wheel of life that goes up and down, this film unveils the intricacies of human relationship in the most genuine way possible. spike jonze handled her with so much love and grace that it flows flawlessly like a thread that weaves into one beautiful piece of art - the art of making peace with one's self.

its poetic but it doesnt come off as pretentious, and its valuable without being preachy. i would also sing all the praises to joaquin phoenix and scarlett johansson for their immersive performance that breathes originality and blooming chemistry with each other. these collective talents and efforts together conceived one of the most raw and wonderful love stories that will warm every hearts out there.


her lets you love again, and yes i love her.

Top 10 Favorite MV/Teasers of 2017

this is originally an annual thread i posted on twitter at the end of every year, basically to sum up my best picks of mvs/teasers that got released during that period. so without further ado, here's my top 10 clips of 2017 (not in chronological order):

1. dont wanna cry (svt)
i think its safe to say that the entire al1 project has been one of vm's best works to date. love the solemn atmosphere from the long shots which creates a fitting complement to the comeback theme itself. it expresses longing, loneliness, desperation, but also hope to keep going. 

2. flight log arrival trailer (got7)

A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE? the combination of lush, dazzling landscape shots and existential crisis creates one whole dreamy yet eerie vibe. where the oscar at tho.

3. yes no maybe (suzy)

a heavily wong kar wai inspired work; evoking 90s hong kong cinema style via intentionally grainy film textures, blur effects and saturated color schemes to portray her emotions. nice one!

4. singing in the rain (jinsoul)

queen of aquatic life, queen of metallic eyebrows, queen of dancing on the water bc walking on water is too old school.

5. the.the.the (yongguk & shihyun)

clever play with shadows and lighting as subtle expression for night ambience, also the usage of boxed set and symmetrical shapes feel so modern and visually pleasing.

6. gashina (sunmi)

this year's theme song slash liberating anthem truly comes in the finest form. from léon: the professional reference to creepyyeha body suit? iconic!

7. dream in a dream (ten)

more like art within an art? the visual execution lives up the title perfectly, the dreamy colors and smoky effects make u feel like drowning in a state of peaceful subconscious. also ten is a king and thats that!

8. move (taemin)

this goes without saying i believe. like whom else got the nerve to pull a margiela-esque mask in a sci fi dystopian landscape? taemin is truly da shit.

9. peek a boo (red velvet)

ive said this once but imma say it again that if i were to direct an mv this is the closest outcome as it may get. we love horror b-movies archetypes and the concept of man sacrifice for sisterhood.

10. ending credit (uhm junghwa)

last but not least the queen herself! the velvet body suit itself is enough to bring this work of art into my list and thats all about it lads!